I wish I had the words to make you understand.
Love is not duct tape, it cannot fix everything.
I am tired, freaking exhausted, angry, and sad. Love will not fix those.
It’s hard not to look at you and wonder what is really you.
Is the guy I met on the soccer field, reuniting with his passion, the same guy I walked away from?
I don’t know.
Is that girl you met, and fell for the same girl that turned her back on you?
Probably not.
This was never about falling out of love, or not having feelings for you. But at some point I had to take a step back and realize how I was treating you and how you were treating me. It was not healthy, it is not healthy and it is not how I want to spend the rest of my life. We take breaks every 6-8 months, and things are really good for a couple months then they go back to how they were before we broke up. I can’t spend the rest of my life repeating that same cycle. At some point I have to try something new, something for me.
It’s time for me to heal and figure out who I am now. I need to figure out if my dreams are still the same as yours. I need to know that I will have the support I need in all my endeavors. Taking risks is how you find gold, but if I’m not supported or supporting we are going to settle for nothing. I know I hurt you, if I could soften the blow I would. Somewhere along the lines we forgot what was important to us and to each other. We forgot how to be kind and compassionate and supportive.
I have to walk away now. I have to prove to myself that I am more important than what we were doing to each other. The pain and sting of your words and actions hurt more than anything I can explain, but I understand. I forgive you and love you, but it still does not change where we stand today.
I am sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I lead you to believe that things were okay, when very clearly I knew them not to be. I’m sorry I left you with false promises and broken dreams. But I am not sorry I walked away, because at the end of my day I need to look at the man sleeping next to me and smile because he is there, not smile because he is asleep.
“bad dreams bad dreams go away, good dreams good dreams here to stay.”
I have and always will hold you in my heart and in my memories. Loving you was never the hard part.
As Always,
Kindly Unspoken
