It’s been 16 days… 16 of the most emotionally challenging days of my life. I’m still waiting for you to walk through that door, smelling of a long day at work, deciding what you are making for dinner. Kissing mom three times before you leave, kissing me twice, followed by ‘I love you’. I miss your hand holding mine and I know mom missed yours last night at the fair. We saw all the baby animals and I had a cow suck on my finger. It was by far the coolest thing a cow has ever done. I wish you were there… I can hear mom crying right now, she is missing you so so much. We all are.
We went to Silver Spoon tonight, like we did most Friday nights. It was weird not having you sitting next to us. Pam gave Mom and I each a piece of chocolate cake. Your cake that she started making for you. I can see why you loved it so much. It was delicious.
People keep telling us your with us, I know you are, you will always be with us. But I can’t see you, I can’t smell you or hear you. How is that supposed to make us feel better. How is that supposed to give us comfort!?! They ask how I am, are we holding up okay, do we need anything… How in the world am I suppose to answer that? I don’t know how I am, I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m lonely, I’m alive… I want you back. This isn’t fair!! You were/are such a good man, a great man. You were so alive just a month ago, with Mom, Cody and I in Florida. How did you go so quickly?! It just doesn’t seem real… Like a sick joke. We were not given near enough time with you. I had so much left to ask you. Like what kind of trees are planted behind the shed? What is your favorite color? What song do you want to dance to at my wedding? Dad there was just so much left for us!
I don’t understand it. How does God take the good and leave the bad? It doesn’t seem right. Dad I miss you, my heart physically hurts from missing you so much. My eyes hurt from the tears… I can’t stand this Daddy. It’s just not fair. Not even close
